Reflections: How to Keep Going

It has been one of those years where everything was going so well, too well, that of course it had to end badly.

I graduated with two bachelor’s degrees in four years with no debt, got to visit San Diego, celebrated my one year anniversary with my boyfriend, got into the master’s program and a TA job and was just having a really good time with life for once.

Me on a trip to Catalina Island, facing my fear of boats and open water. 10/2014

Me on a trip to Catalina Island, facing my fear of boats and open water. 10/2014

Then the day before my last final, my apartment was broken into and robbed.  They took all my jewelry, including my unique handmade ones, my purses, all the personal items inside my bags, my camera and my mother and sister’s belongings as well.  When I found out, I cried and I screamed and I felt like life was over.  How can people do this to others?  How can I ever feel safe in my own home again?  How can I ever wake up and not have this bitter rage swirling behind my thoughts whenever I look around me and think about the complete and utter soullessness of thieves like that?  How can I move on?

It’s been three weeks since it happened and I still have trouble going to sleep.  The hate, anger and sadness keep me up and give me bad dreams.  I want to move on, but I don’t know how.  I want 2015 to be a new start, to be fresh and untainted, but that’s impossible.  I will go about my day, but not without a constant suspicion of those around me; not without constantly worrying about my belongings whenever I step out my door; not without fear.

But I will keep going anyways.  I will write this blog because I love doing it.  I will buy and make new jewelry.  I will get a new camera and continue to take amazing photos.  I will go to graduate school and get my master’s and write an amazing thesis.  I will get a good job I love someday and a nice place to live.  I will do all these things and more because deep down, where it is hard to see among my current anger, I know that all that those thieves got were things.  What really matters is what I still have; what is with me no matter where I go:  My family, my boyfriend, my friends and my future.

Happy New Year.

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